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Death and despair: An abuser’s journey to hell

Written by More Matshediso
Men who abuse power and positions of authority to control women and children need to realise that their actions are against everything our Constitution stands for.

Anger left untamed can become a beast, one that can lead you to a life of hell.

As the world observes 16 Days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children from 25 November to 10 December, Vuk’uzenzele visited Kgosi Mampuru II Correctional Centre in Pretoria to speak to an offender who recently started his sentence.

Ntsako* handed himself over to the police last year after brutally murdering his fiancée, who is also the mother of his four-year-old daughter.* Not his real name

The 37-year-old is serving a 12-year sentence and admits that it was his anger that landed him behind bars.

Their relationship started in 2012, when she was 21 and he in his 30s. “I loved her. At some point I even took the decision to pay for her tuition fees… we later got engaged and stayed together,” he said.

However, Ntsako soon noticed things about his girlfriend that he did not like. He started hitting her early on in the relationship because, he claimed, she cheated and lied. Their relationship became more and more toxic.

 “I am not a person who likes fighting or arguing. I have always been a quiet person who likes to solve my problems on my own,” he said.

“I tried to talk to her but she would not listen and sometimes I would end up cheating too but she would always find out because I am not good at hiding things,” he added.

They later had a child together. But according to Ntsako, the cheating and lies never stopped.

“I would sometimes find messages and pictures from other guys on her phone. I would confront her but she would deny any wrongdoing. We would end up fighting. I was hurting but I did not talk to anyone about my pain,” said Ntsako.

His mother and his late fiancée’s mother had asked him to end the relationship because things were getting out of hand, but he refused.

He said his anger would always get out of control when they fought. On the fateful day that he killed her, he hit her with a metal object in front of their daughter and his mother.

“Now my relationship with my daughter is ruined too. I was not supposed to do what I did. I wish I had avoided that. My biggest problem was not talking about my problems,” he said.

Ntsako has advised other men to avoid finding themselves in his situation by speaking out about issues that affect them and by never hitting a woman.